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THE WEEK Apr 15: Who smelt it dealt it

Updated: 2016-04-15
By THE WEEK (chinadaily.com.cn)

Fart machine
In China, there's a Physics Prize called "The Pineapple Prize". Yes this is a true story. The pineapple prize, named after a fruit which in China is said to be so ugly that only the brave and curious would explore its delicious interior (whatever that means). The prize looks for discoveries that are both useful and amusing. And while this year's winner might not be that useful, it's most definitely AMUSING! Ladies and gentlemen what I'm about to show you will trump the "who smelt it dealt it" theory. It will surpass the "who did the rhyme did the crime" argument. This is beyond any scientific achievement that has ever graced the cover of Popular Science magazine. It's THE FART MACHINE! - Li Jigong of Tianjin University took home the Pineapple prize for his creation that State media is saying, "not only solves the mystery of who farted, but provides a way to locate the source of any odor through the complex dynamics of air." Oh – MY – GOD! A fart smelling machine winning a Chinese Physics Prize for being able to detect farts and knowing exactly who it came from. This has got to be a hoax. Wait… what's that smell?

Car killer
In Shenzen, China, cars were parked on the side of the road. Oh but the story doesn't end there. Those innocent cars were just minding their own business when suddenly a woman came out of nowhere and started attacking them. Bang! Take that car! That's an unidentified woman with long hair, wearing a skirt, collecting bricks from the side of the road before chucking them at car windows. Within minutes she had destroyed six parked vehicle. The woman has been arrested and charged with causing deliberate damage to others' property. Now I know what you're asking, Why? Why is she attacking these cars? Did someone double park? Did one of those cars do something to her? Nope. It's because she was having an argument with her boyfriend. Awww, poor girl. But I really feel bad for those cars. I mean, what did those vehicles ever do to you? Anyways, let's hope her and her boyfriend can work it out and live happily ever after…

Plastic celebrity
And finally, being a celebrity in China is not easy. First, you need the looks. And then, well, you need THE looks. Heck, it's all about the looks. So this 29-year-old Chinese business woman had a game plan. She would take eight years of her life; spend $122,000 on 20 PLASTIC SURGERIES to looks exactly like China's most famous celebrity Fan Bingbing. That's a lot of plastic. Now the real Fan Bingbing denies that her white skin, chiseled chin, big eyes, and pointed nose all come from plastic surgery. But after carefully examining the photo of the 29-year old business woman and Fan Bingbing…. I don't know…. Looks like we might have a case for… oh I got it, instead of a fart machine let's create a plastic machine.. brilliant!… Now there's an important lesson here, and it goes as followed; if money can't buy you happiness, it can most certainly buy you plastic surgery.


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